Not Me...No Sir...No thanks!

I read a post by Neo Dom Tom titled Submissives versus Submission.  In his post he discusses the difference between a person who is actually submissive in their relationship, and in contrast someone that only submits.  He wrote one particular paragraph that really jumped out at me. 

"There is a huge difference between pleasing your spouse because you think it will make the marriage better and that's an important goal in your life, and craving submission and domination, craving the feeling of having someone master you, needing it so badly that you feel like you'll fall apart without it."

Tom is right on the money with this statement, and couldn't have said it better.  There is a huge difference.  He is relating this to his desire for his wife to be his submissive, when the reality is that she is cannot be that for him.  It's just not in her and part of who she is.  After a long time of trying, he has come to this realization and knows that she will submit because it pleases him, but will never be a submissive, per se. For me personally, I need the someone who submits and is submissive.  Someone who craves that role and needs to be that for me, and also knows that she will get all she needs from me as well. 

This reminded me of something I used to say about sex in general in my vanilla marriage, which really is a whole other blog.  LOL!  But really I am serious when I say it, and have always said I want this to apply to any relationship which I am involved.  I DO NOT want sex from my partner because they feel obligated.  I don't want pity sex.  I absolutely despise that with everything I have in me.  For a lot of guys, it's about having sex.  Period.  About being able to dip their stick and get off on someone elses body as opposed to their own hand.  It doesn't matter the circumstances, as long as they get some and get off.

Not me...No Sir...No thanks!  I would rather do without than to be with someone who has no desire to be with me.  And there is nothing worse than the huff and puff and comments of when are you going to be done.  That makes me want to knock the hell out of someone.  That makes intimacy and sex nothing more than a waste of time and energy.  I need someone to be with me because they need to be with me as much as I do them.  Not because they feel obligated by marriage or the relationship to be intimate.  If that's the case you can keep your stuff to yourself, because I don't need it.  I am a very sexual person and need a partner that is as well.  I need someone that wants and needs close sexual intimacy as much as I do.

This tangent is about me and not Tom, so please don't think I'm saying anything negative at all about him.  I have a lot of respect for Tom, and consider him one of my blogland friends.  He seems to have a great marriage, and a very sexually active one that pleases them both.  So many people would be overjoyed to have the relationship he has with his wife.  This topic just got me to thinking about this situation and how it applies to me.  So many people seem to be stuck in relationships that just don't work.  The needs of each aren't being met, and probably never will be.  If the two of you aren't on the same page, there will be a lot of difficulties.  Trust me...I know.

Luckily, I have someone that fits in right where I need her to fit.  We are on the same page on almost everything.  Our needs, sexually and otherwise, ways of thinking, likes and dislikes, etc... are right in line with each other.  For years I tried to find my perfect match.  This is hard under good circumstances.  Throw the need for D/s or BDSM in the mix and it gets even harder.  I always said I would be picky and I would never settle for any less than what I wanted and deserved in a partner.

I have found that.  It's better than I ever hoped it could be, and is getting better all the time.  We are both growing and progressing in our relationship with each other personally, as well as with the dynamic that is a part of what we have.  I couldn't ask for anything more.  It has been worth every second of the wait to find her.  So see...it can happen.  You can find that one special person that is perfect for you.  Don't give up hope, and for God's sake...don't settle for less than what you need and deserve.  Once you find it, you will know without a doubt that it was worth all you have been through to get to that point and time in your life, and to be able to be with that special person.