Choosing Your Path (More Stepping Stones)

In my last post (The Stepping Stones Of Life), one of the comments brought up a good point.  Kitty mentioned that we do have choices and we can carve our own path through life.  And yes, I do agree with her.  (don't tell her she might get the big head lol)  Actually, I think it is a combination of many things interwoven...fate, destiny, choice.  A mixture of all of this is what leads us down the path we are on. 

Some things presented to us are outside of our control, while others are based on our choices.  It's how we handle and deal with the situations and people presented to us that direct us down the path of life.  We all have a conscious choice in how we deal with people.  We have a choice in how handle certain situations.  Life may be laid out before us, but it's our own choices that ultimately lay out the path we are on. 

Many times things go bad.  Situations and relationships seem to fall apart.  It is easy to look back, see the problems, and wish you had done something differently.  Hindsight is always 20/20.  But we have to realize, in the moment of making a choice, it is made either spontaneously, based on emotion, based on some educated guess or experience, or a combination of all three.  Whatever the case, when that decision was made, at that point and time, it is what you wanted.  Even when things outside of our control are presented to us, it's the choices made and how you deal with them that define you. 

The real problem is when we look back, have regrets and hard feelings and have a problem dealing with the situation.  Good or bad, we choose who to have by our side on our stepping stones.  You choose who to keep with you and who to leave behind.  There are times when those choices are right and sometimes they are wrong.  And sometimes we get stuck on a stone looking back and dwelling on what has been, rather than looking forward, taking your experiences with you, learning from them, and continuing to move forward. 

There is nothing in the past you can change.  It has happened and will always be there.  It's how you deal with that matters.  Staying static and dwelling on the past , especially when the past is not so great, is a horrible way to live.  It can take all the strength you have to pick up your feet and leave it behind.  You should never forget, and should always learn from your experiences, but you shouldn't live in past moments and dwell upon them.  Live in the now and what you feel and hope lies ahead. 

Don't get stuck on your stepping stone, looking back and regretting all you see.  Life is too short to be angry, miserable, upset and less than what you are capable.  Face forward, realize what you have now, where you are, and where you want to be, without forgetting where you have been.  Keep your chin up, hold your head high, and be proud of who you are.  There is only one you, so be the best you that you can be...for yourself and those you choose to let join you on your Steeping Stones of Life.

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The Stepping Stones Of Life

 

 

 Sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture.  I'm one that believes everything happens for a reason.  Call it fate, or divine intervention, or whatever you like.  But, everything we go through and deal with has a purpose, and those people brought into our lives serve a purpose.  The bad part about it is that most of the time what we see and believe is our path typically isn't.  The way we hope for things to be, or think they will be, usually is not what is intended by the greater forces.  Many people and situations come into our life to prepare us for the next step.  They are stepping stones for what is to come.  However, we feel and believe the stepping stones have led to where we are which we want to be our firm foundation.  But in fact, most of the time it is just another stepping stone for what lies ahead. 

My point is this...sometimes you have to be able to see the bigger picture and figure out what it is.  Are you and that someone meant to be in that bigger picture together?  Are you here as a stepping stone for each other?  Maybe your destiny is not to meet and be together, but to be shown more of you who and teach you a lesson for the future.  To make you stronger and better enable to be prepared for what lies ahead.  There is no way to know.  Only time will tell.  But you have to read the signs and take the road that is presented to you.  It's rarely the road we think, and it usually causes heartache and pain, but it is our path and the path we were meant to go down.  

I am not a deeply religious person.  Honestly, when it comes to religion I don't know what I believe.  Yet, I do believe in the teachings of many religions as a guide for how you should act and how you should treat people in your life.  I think there is some greater force that has a plan.  All our decisions and all we have been through are part of what makes you who you are today.  It is all preparing you for what lies ahead.  Maybe you take the stepping stones to a final goal.  Maybe life is one continuous trail of stepping stones until you finally fall off the end and there is nothing left.  

All we can do is live our lives to the best of our ability, take was is given to us and make the best of it, and learn from our experiences.  Maybe along the way you can help others that need some assistance in finding their next stone on which to plant their feet.  Lend a helping hand when you can, revel in the joys, take the heartache without letting it keep you down, and realize that it all has a purpose.  There will always be stumbling blocks on the road of life.  It's how you handle those stumbling blocks that define the person you are. 

And that is my philosophical rambling for this Sunday morning.  

DV

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Kick The Ego To The Curb

The male ego is strong and powerful thing.  It can help us stand our ground, and drive us to push through situations we wouldn't normally attempt.  Many times this is done in order to save face and avoid looking weak in front of others.  This ego especially kicks in when we males don't know or are not familiar with something.  Rather than admit we don't know, we will bullshit our way through it as to not look weak in not knowing.  Once this behavior starts and continues over time, it becomes habit.  It becomes ingrained in us.  It is our natural reaction and how we respond to everything.  This where the problem begins. 

I have spoken with quite a few women over the past few years.  Ones that I have met online, through my blog or other means.  Whether it's general conversation or someone has emailed me about a specific topic, there seems to be a common them with many men out there...a disconnect between men and women.  What do I mean by this?  Over and over again I have heard about how men don't know what they are doing sexually.  They know very little, do the same thing over and over, and aren't willing to try something new.  The women on the other hand want more...need more.  They want to be satisfied.  They want to feel like attention is being paid to their needs.  They want to try new things and get outside the box a little bit.  This has nothing to do with whether you are vanilla or into bdsm.  It can cross all borders. 

Now we come back to the male ego.  As previously stated, he either knows or will act like he knows everything.  He will try to put up a strong front and be as masculine as possible.  But what is this really doing?  It is hurting him and his partner.  It is being narrow minded and unwilling to look into new things, especially at the suggestion of someone else.  The downward spiral has begun.  He won't look at new things, thinks he knows what he is doing, and won't entertain new ideas...all in order to save face and maintain his manhood.  Who suffers most from this...his partner.  She becomes more and more unsatisfied, and emotionally disconnected.  The longer it goes, the more disconnected she will become, and this will make it even harder for her to find the pleasure she is so badly needing.

So what is the answer?  Take your ego and your manhood and throw it out the door.  My view is that it makes you look stronger to admit things you don't know, have an open mind, and be willing to learn new things.  Just as in D/s we say that it takes a strong woman to submit, it also takes a strong man to admit where he is lacking.  That is half the fun of a relationship....being willing to look at new things together, try new experiences, new techniques, and be willing to be taught as well as teach. 

For a basic example, let's look at him performing oral sex on her.  Maybe he doesn't really know how, so he shy's away from it.  Maybe he doesn't do it exactly the way she needs.   Maybe it's too gentle.  Maybe it's too rough.  The answer is simple.  Ask her and talk about it.  There's nothing wrong with saying I'm not sure about this, so teach me how to make it as good as I can make for you.  It shows you care for her, love her, and want the best for her.  It shows that you are willing to go the extra mile to bring her pleasure.  Mentally and emotionally, this can be huge for a woman and her perception.  She needs to see that you are willing to learn.  Many times that is all she will ask of you.  Just be willing.  She doesn't need you to move a mountain.  She doesn't need everything money can buy.  She just wants to see and feel that you are interested in her enough to be willing to learn and grow with her. 

Not to bring my own ego into this (lol), but this is an area that I pride myself on being able to do.  Even in being Dominant, I pride myself on being able to please my partner, and knowing that I can do that for her.  I do get pleasure from pleasing...albeit in my own special Dominant way.  You can admit when you don't know, learn about it, and still be Dominant.  Anyone not willing to learn and grow and become a better person for their partner is headed for trouble in the long run.  I'm always willing to look at new things and activities, and adjust what I currently do and know how to do to make it better for us both.  As the picture says..."Learn to fuck me right!"  That's a great thing to be able to do and learn.  Be willing to do that.  Be willing to make adjustments and change.  Be willing to admit your shortfalls, and gain from them.  In the end, it will make you both better and happier people, as well as strengthen the relationship and the bonds between you. 

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