Choosing Your Path (More Stepping Stones)

In my last post (The Stepping Stones Of Life), one of the comments brought up a good point.  Kitty mentioned that we do have choices and we can carve our own path through life.  And yes, I do agree with her.  (don't tell her she might get the big head lol)  Actually, I think it is a combination of many things interwoven...fate, destiny, choice.  A mixture of all of this is what leads us down the path we are on. 

Some things presented to us are outside of our control, while others are based on our choices.  It's how we handle and deal with the situations and people presented to us that direct us down the path of life.  We all have a conscious choice in how we deal with people.  We have a choice in how handle certain situations.  Life may be laid out before us, but it's our own choices that ultimately lay out the path we are on. 

Many times things go bad.  Situations and relationships seem to fall apart.  It is easy to look back, see the problems, and wish you had done something differently.  Hindsight is always 20/20.  But we have to realize, in the moment of making a choice, it is made either spontaneously, based on emotion, based on some educated guess or experience, or a combination of all three.  Whatever the case, when that decision was made, at that point and time, it is what you wanted.  Even when things outside of our control are presented to us, it's the choices made and how you deal with them that define you. 

The real problem is when we look back, have regrets and hard feelings and have a problem dealing with the situation.  Good or bad, we choose who to have by our side on our stepping stones.  You choose who to keep with you and who to leave behind.  There are times when those choices are right and sometimes they are wrong.  And sometimes we get stuck on a stone looking back and dwelling on what has been, rather than looking forward, taking your experiences with you, learning from them, and continuing to move forward. 

There is nothing in the past you can change.  It has happened and will always be there.  It's how you deal with that matters.  Staying static and dwelling on the past , especially when the past is not so great, is a horrible way to live.  It can take all the strength you have to pick up your feet and leave it behind.  You should never forget, and should always learn from your experiences, but you shouldn't live in past moments and dwell upon them.  Live in the now and what you feel and hope lies ahead. 

Don't get stuck on your stepping stone, looking back and regretting all you see.  Life is too short to be angry, miserable, upset and less than what you are capable.  Face forward, realize what you have now, where you are, and where you want to be, without forgetting where you have been.  Keep your chin up, hold your head high, and be proud of who you are.  There is only one you, so be the best you that you can be...for yourself and those you choose to let join you on your Steeping Stones of Life.

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Decisions (Part 2)

In our last segment, I covered a lot about my life, where I have been, and how I got to where I am now. Could I have made better decisions along the way. Sure I could have. We all could have made better decisions in our life. But hindsight is 20/20, and if I had that hindsight before making my decisions, well...wouldn't life be nice. Yet, our decisions and what they make us endure in life are what shape us into the person we are today. If you are happy with where you are and the person you are today, then you can't complain. If you aren't happy, then you can make the decision(s) to change that and begin down a new road.


We can all look back and say I should have gone down the road not taken. But this is where you are now and that can't be changed. So...now we are facing the decisions of what to do next? Where do I go from here? Where do I "want" to go from here? Where do I "need" to go from here? That can be the hard part. The want versus the need may be two totally different scenarios. Especially when your decisions can have life altering affects on the other people in your life. I hate to tell you all, or even admit it to myself, but life isn't all about "you". As much as we like to be selfish and gain self-gratification in al that we do, thee are other people to be considered. And sometimes must be considered even more so than we consider ourselves.

This segment has absolutely nothing to do with me, and it has absolutely nothing to do with the D/s dynamic. It has to do with my daughter. I talked in my last post about my situation with my wife and the decision we made to stay together for our daughter. This is a very tough subject. It has more questions than answers. We both want nothing but the best for our daughter, as any parent should. We don't want her to be brought up in a broken home. We want her to be raised in a stable family with both parents present. Or that is what we have discussed and agreed upon. Last week the subject was brought up again, about what if we didn't stay married. I surprised myself when I said this, and I'll paraphrase:

I have no intentions of leaving and no intentions of splitting up our home. However, if I thought it was best for "daughter" in the long run then I would do that."

I have had to think very long and hard about this. But would I do what I though was best for her...sure I would. What is best for her? Well, that I have no idea about. I was watching "Grey's Anatomy" last year (I know I know, get off my back). There was an episode where one of the Doctors was justifying to her father about her divorce. the gist of it was that she would rather her son be raised by parents that were happy but separated, than by parents that were not happy and fought all the time. She didn't want her son raised to think and believe that is what marriage is about. That marriage is a special thing between two people that love and care for each other and show it. I can't argue with this, and it really hit home for me. Maybe my daughter is better off not being raised in a home where we can't show her what love really is and should be? Maybe she shouldn't be raised in a house where we allow each other to see other people? Not that we do it openly where she would know, mind you. Is that teaching her bad habits and giving false impressions? Is this teaching her that mariage is not sacred and special? Would she be better off with us not together?

I don't know the answers to these questions. I wish I had the hindsight already, so I would know the answer. Whatever the answer, it is not an easy one. It will not be taken lightly, and will not be made quickly. This is one that keeps me in turmoil. I love my daughter to death. So what is the right direction to take? I don't know that there is one. Thee may not be a right answer. It may just be the best of the bad alternatives.



ARGH!!! Decisions, Decisions?!?!?!?!?!

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Decisions

Life is full of decisions.  Some decisions we make are the right ones and some are not.  Sometimes it's not quite that cut and dry.  There are times when it's not a matter of right and wrong.  It's more of a matter of which is the best direction to go.  Other times it's choosing the lesser of the evils.  Yet, all of the decisions we make alter what happens down the road and what comes next.

Lately I have been very reflective about my life and the choices I have made.  This stems from my current life and choices I now have to make or will be making on the horizon.  I was reading a post this morning on the blog Thining About It Differently in regards to love and how you know when you are in love.  When it comes to a special partner in your life, one that you love, the traditional way of going about a reltionship with them is to be exclusive and monogamous.  This has been an issue for me in the past, and I don't have a problem admitting to that.

My first marriage ended, not immediately but ultimately, due to the fact that I had an affair.  There were other issues in our marriage, which I'm sure led me to engage in such behavior.  Yet, I don't make excuses and the affair was a decision I made.  We probably would have still ended up divorced, but that sure didn't help matters any.  My second marriage, and current one, has taken quite a different road.  We are both very open minded, and over the years have just grown apart.  We both acknowledge and accept this.  We both know and have talked about our issues and how to resolve them.  We both agree that we aren't sure if they can be resolved.  This isn't necessarily a bad thing.  We both love each other and care for each other deeply.  It just happens to be more like a best friend situation than intimate lovers.  This is an area where we both have needs and desires that can't be tended to by the other.  We are still together now for our daughter.  We made the decision to stay together to keep our family in tact and stable for our daughter. 

We decided several years ago to try an open marriage.  Since we both have needs on a sexual level, yet don't want that with each other, and since we are staying together, we decided to give this a try.  We allow each other to see other people and still keep our home life stable.  This has allowed me the chance to explore and delve into what I have found to be so enjoyable...the D/s lifestyle.  This is something she was never interested in and wants no part of.  Actually, I never really knew I wanted it either until I had the opportunity to explore and learn more about it.  Everything just seemed to click and make sense.  I had always been fairly Dominant in bed, but now my eyes were being opened to something where I really felt a connection.  The more I read and got deeper into it, the more the pieces started to fall into place.  An understanding if you will.  Sound familiar?  Seems like a read a lot about submissives seeing the light.  Well, guess what?!?!  It happens on the other side of the fence as well. 

(As this has a few more parts to it, I will be making a multi-part series out of it.  Otherwise this will get way too long.)

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