An Expanding Dynamic (Spanking)

There is an activity we all hear a lot about in this lifestyle.  Some people use it as punishment.  Some people use it as maintenance.  Some people participate in it every so often, while others participate in it regularly.  The activity I'm speaking of is...spanking.

I am going to speak about this topic from my side and experience.  I don't really know how to classify how we use it personally, but for me it really needs no label.  It doesn't matter to me what it is called, if anything.  For those of you that need a label attached to it, some sort of maintenance would probably be closest. Whatever the name or label, not everyone likes, wants, or needs to incorporate spanking into their relationship.  For some it works and fits well, and for others they want no part of it.  There is nothing wrong with either way. It's a matter of personal choice. 

I have used spanking in the past, but typically I don't push it on someone, especially in the beginning.  I think it is something that grows on you, and evolves within your relationship, at least to some degree.  The relationship I will speak about was this way.  Some sort of spanking slowly evolved through the evolution of our dynamic. Spanking had been done lightly, but nothing serious or as a primary activity.  Then there was that day...that one special day.  After some intimate time together, she laid across my lap and asked to be spanked.  This was a HUGE step for her.  A huge step for our dynamic and relationship.  Starting slow using a bare hand, and working up to harder contact.  Rubbing the point of contact in-between each stroke.  Seeing the redness.  Feeling her move underneath me.  Hearing the sounds and whimpers that uttered from within her.  It was enough to get any Dominant excited. 

The excitement came not only in the form of what I described above, or from her reaction to the spanking.  The real excitement came with the words she spoke afterwards.  Her description of how it made her feel is what solidified the entire experience.  She spoke of how she felt comfortable in that position across my lap.  From that act of being spanked, she felt a peace...a comfort.  She felt calm and at ease.  For her, it was about being in that position.  Giving me that control.  Giving me her submission.  Feeling the strength I had over her.  Feeling my Dominance resonate through her body, by being in that position and giving herself to me in such a way.

It wasn't pain.  It wasn't discomfort.  It was pleasure.  Maybe some pleasure in a physical sense.  Yet, even more so it was pleasure in a mental and emotional sense.  It was what she needed to feel.  It made her feel happy and content...balanced and centered...like she was where she needed to be and that place is "Home".  To me this was a giant step for us and our relationship, and it was for her as well.  From her previous thoughts and mindset, this is something she never imagined she would enjoy, no less feel so at peace in being spanked.  She looked inside, opened up, let go, and found a place to be happy like she never knew existed before...and in a way she never thought she would even try.

To this day, she still will ask for a spanking.  She continues to need to feel what she gets from this.  She needs to feel the power and control.  She needs to be able to offer herself in this way.  She needs to be able to let go and submit.  But, it's not just about submitting.  It's about submitting to me.  What Dominant wouldn't be happy with this?  What Dom wouldn't be proud of how far she has come?  What Dom wouldn't respect her strength to grow and seek what she needs most from him?  I know I am with everything I have.

It's this growth, change, and evolution that makes this journey with her so enjoyable.  It is situations such as this that make me proud and happy to be the Dominant I am.  It is times like this that make me proud to be able to guide and lead in the best way I know how.  It is seeing changes such as this, and enjoying it with her, that make me proud to be able to call her mine...and proud to also be hers.

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The Gift Of Power

“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”
~ Abraham Lincoln

I know when this was spoken, Abraham Lincoln didn't have a bit more intention of it being used in a D/s context than if he could flap his arms and fly to the moon.   For that matter, he may not have even known what D/s is.  Nonetheless, here we are in today's society and I'm going to use his quote.  As far as our lifestyle goes, this is a great quote and says a lot about a Dominant man.

Several of the blogs I follow are written by a submissive...and ones who are looking for just the right Dominant partner.  They tend to know what they want and don't want in a partner.  They do want him to be like this, and they don't want him to be like that.  This is something I don't blame them for one single iota.  They know who they are and what they want and need.  They are picky, and they should be.  They have every right to be.  And let's face it...there are a lot of creeps and guys out there that think they can be Dominant.  It looks fun to them, so they want to give it a go.  In all honesty, that's scary.

I read these blogs, and I receive emails.  I have given my opinion and offered my advice.  (which is worth what they paid for it lol)  I have interacted with a number of women over the years about this very thing.  What a submissive woman has to give is a gift...the gift of herself.  The man she chooses to partner with needs to be worthy of this gift.  He needs to be able to handle the responsibility of it.  He needs to be able to handle the pressure that is such a part of being a Dominant.  He needs to know himself inside and out.  He needs to know how to handle adversity as well as the laid back and easy times.  He needs to be able to think logically in all situations.  He needs to be able to express and share his emotions.  He needs to be able read and understand his partner, and then take the appropriate action.  He needs to be able and willing to love and care like there is no tomorrow.  He needs to be able to learn and grow, and understand that he doesn't know everything.

That one word..."POWER"!  It sounds strong.  It sounds meaningful.  Yet, it needs to be backed up with competency, skill, influence, and capability.  Power contains potential...potential to reach a goal and keep moving forward.  This is done through leadership, management, direction, and guidance. A man cannot demand power.  He cannot demand to be in charge.  If he does, then he will never be effective.  He will never have the best outcome.  Most importantly, he will never have respect of those he is attempting to place himself over.

A man should command respect and power by his actions.  He should lead by example.  He should show strength and fortitude to those around him.  He should be willing to share his knowledge and expertise for the benefit and growth of others.  He should be willing to admit his own faults, be aware of them, and make adjustments as necessary.  He should be willing to admit his own limitations and try to grow beyond them.  His desire to lead in this capacity should be self-evident, not self-prescribed.  A man with true power will never ask for it...it will be given to him out of respect and admiration.  He will never abuse this power and never ask more of others than he is wiling to do himself.

Maybe Mr Lincoln's quote should be tweaked a bit.  Or maybe I'll tweak it a bit for the purpose of this post.  I think it needs to be..."The true character of a man will deem whether he obtains power."  In the case of D/s, this power will be given to him in the form of submission.  A submissive will give him the gift of herself.  She will give him the gift of power.  She will only give it to the man that is deserving of such a gift.  Certainly not the one that demands the gift.  Only then will she be comfortable in her choice and be able to fully let go and be herself at the feet of the one she has chosen. 

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