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Showing posts with label M/s. Show all posts
Showing posts with label M/s. Show all posts

Formspring - A Slave Question

Should a Dom in a Master/slave relationship be able to bring other women into the relationship just because he is Master?

First let me say that I think this is outside of my realm.  I am not, nor have I ever been, involved in a Master/slave relationship.  There is much more control and oversight in this type relationship.  I don't want that.  It's not for me or who I am.  So, I can't speak from experience on this, but I will give my thoughts.  I also thought this would be a good chance for other to give their thoughts and opinions in the comments. 

I want to take a minute to make a few distinctions.  To me, the wording in this question is all over the map.  For me personally, I look at each name as a different characteristic, name being Dominant or Master, while many people tend to use these interchangeably.  To me, Dominant and submissive go together, while Master and slave go together, hence the abbreviations we see all the time, D/s and M/s.  Although, in the community, someone looked at as very experienced and knowledgeable, can be referred to as a Master.  I know it's confusing. 

In the context of this question, I think it's more important to look at the difference between a submissive and a slave.  A submissive is someone who submits to a Dominant and needs to be lead and guided.  She likes having someone control her to a degree.  She gives of herself for his pleasure and direction, and defers most control to him.  Yet, this may not be completely and fully, and she still has rights, and can say no at any time.  She can have limits and it is expected for those limits to be obliged.  A slave, on the other hand, has consensually given up all of her rights.  She is owned by her Master, has no right to refuse or say no, and is at his total mercy.  This is a choice she has chosen, and a right she has given her Master...to own her without question.  Period!  She has no limits and accepts that she could be subjected to anything of her Master's choosing.

Now let's go back to me saying I will give my view and opinion on this topic.  To me, every aspect of the relationship is negotiated.  If I want to introduce a new aspect to our relationship, it is discussed, or at least has been at some point previously.  If I now my submissive does not want it and will fight me on it, then I will not bring it in just because I want to do so.  To me that is wrong and in violation of the trust she has for me.  That is how I view and go about situations such as this. 

In theory, based on having total control, a Master does not have to ask his slave.  He can do as he chooses, whether this is some new kind of activity or bringing someone else into the relationship.  As a slave, she has given up her right to disagree with this.  It is his choice and his choice alone.  There is no arguing about it...his way is the only way...in theory.  I think that prior to any M/s relationship, or any type power exchange relationship, how things are handled and what is expected of each should be worked out in the beginning.  DO NOT become a slave before understanding fully what you are getting yourself into.  All of these understandings should be laid out before moving forward. 

I'm sure my readers and followers will be happy to chime in with their thoughts.  Two that come to mind, that I hope will give their two cents worth on this, are Mouse and Omega.  They are the two that come to mind that could really answer this question.  I for one, look forward to seeing what others think about this topic.

DV


Formspring Question

Over a week ago I received a question on Formspring.  The question was this:

Is there anything in BDSM that you don't like or disagree with?

I have been thinking about this question.  I haven't been real sure how to answer it.  I'm still not real sure how to answer it.  So to the person who submitted it...congrats because you stumped me.  I don't really know why this question is so difficult for me to answer.  But it has been nonetheless.  

I'm sure there are things that I don't like, from an activity basis.  Yet, I can't say that I have experienced them all, so there are things I have no idea if I like or not.  I can say there are some things that I know do not interest me.  There is the usual nasty things, such as piss and scat.  I have seen quite a few people on certain sites that seem to be into needle play and designs.  I can't say that this has any interest to me.  I'm not into branding and making permanent marks on someone. 

I guess I can touch on D/s versus M/s type relationships.  I do enjoy D/s immensely.  It seems to be an integral part of who I am at my core.  Yet, I have my own approach and way of going about things.  I'm very passionate and kind in my approach.  I'm not overbearing or overly stern.  I can be demanding at times, and will do what is needed to keep my sub in line though.  When we look at a M/s relationship, I'm not so sure I can or could do that.  I have written before about enjoying being able to cut up with my submissive and have a good time.  I like her to have a little sass and want to joke around.  As long as she knows her place and remembers that.  To me, M/s slave seems to be a bit more controlling and demanding.  I'm just not sure I could be that for a woman on a constant long term basis.  

There is a lot of overlapping and gray areas of the different dynamics and styles.  You just have to find the bits and pieces of what works best for you.  There are different dynamics I would enjoy trying to be a part of on a more regular basis.  HOH, D/s, 24/7, etc...  It's all about finding your niche and what best fills the needs of you and your partner.  If I want certain things and she doesn't, then that can be a problem.  The reverse is true as well.  If she needs certain things, and I don't want to do that or am not comfortable doing it, then that can be a problem as well.  This is why finding a suitable partner can be difficult, but is worth the wait when you do find your match.

The one thing that does bother me, which I have talked about before, is Dominants that have no clue what this is about or involves, but think it will be fun.  They think it's about being able to boss a woman around, command sex when they want, and in general be an asshole to her.  To them it is about being Domineering, as opposed to Dominant.  Maybe there is a place for it and some women like that.  I believe, though, that for the most part this isn't true.  It takes a special person to be able to be in charge of a woman and to fill her needs, take care of her, protect and care for her, and to understand her.  It's not just about being in charge.  It's about so much more.  Many guys miss this and don't understand it,and this is to the detriment of the submissive he is trying to control.  Just my opinion of course and what works for me, based on how I do things and how  feel.

To the person that submitted the question, I hope this answered it for you.  If not, please send another one and I'll try again.  I think I at last covered some of it for you, and hope it was adequate enough for what you were wanting to know.  



What Does It Mean...

I came across this while surfing another blog last night.  I really can't remember where it came from, as I got to it through several different links.  First I will say, that I'm not trying to steal anyone else's work.  If you know who this belongs to, then feel free to let me know and I'll gladly give credit to them.  When I read it I though this was a wonderful prose, I guess you'd say, about a D/s or M/s relationship.  I thought I'd share it with you all, and maybe you will find it as touching and meaningful as I did.

Update August 18, 2011 - Here is a link to the origin of this writing.   http://disorderlybeautifulchaos.wordpress.com/2010/01/11/what-does-it-mean-to-be-called-a-master-her-master/

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What does it mean to be called a Master……….Her MASTER


A tender gentle caring Man
that wishes to control, to Dominate.
Submitting to His wishes, she gives,
and pleases Him, smiles at His praise



Thoughts of Him are constant in her mind,
for her only desire is to serve Him in all ways.
He is her final true Friend, she is His listener.

He is her father figure, she is daddy’s little girl.


He directs her, guides her, she strives to change,
to better herself, to reach those goals He sets for her.



He is her Teacher, she is an apt and eager and intelligent pupil, wanting to learn
of His ways, of His likes, wanting to learn and understand
her emergent and rampant sexuality.



He is the One that praises her, listens to her, molds her, cherishes and protects.
He treasures her, loving her, pushing her to do more, to take more.
She is the one that blossoms in His care, that shines with love for Him,
radiating grace and a passion of the mind, body, heart, and soul.



He leads, she follows.
He wants her to be like so for Him -
slut, whore, cum addict, wanton, possession, woman; His toy
She strives to be those things for Him, finding out
more about her desires as she does so.



He is Master, she is slave.
He says; she does.



Yet as she gives to Him, He gives more of Himself
to her, showing her her worth and value to Him.



In His eyes, she is everything, finding a strength not
known to her before, finding peace within His hold of her.



His chains bind her, yet she is free.
Free of worrying all the time.
Free of being stuck in her growth...always evolving



In His chains, she is free, because she knows He will
cherish her, every part if her being.



She knows He will cherish her, every part of her.
She is His; She is slave….



She is free to fly…as high as she was born to be

Really?!?! You think your're a Dom?!?!

As I have been in and out of chat rooms, on forums, on BDSM related sites, etc... I have found some very interesting characters. Ok...some weirdos. There is one thing though that stands out to me, that actually scares the hell out of me, for a lot of the subs/slaves out there. It is all the guys that claim to be a Dom or Master.

Granted I'll take into account the fact that the number of Doms outweighs the number of subs by a long shot. Just as on any dating site, the number of males outweighs the number of females. However, after reading and watching some of these guys, it doesn't take someone who has any clue at all long to realize that many of these guys have no clue themselves. Anyone can claim themself with that title, go on a site, and try to act the part. One of the main giveaways, to me anyway, relates to the old adage about the one who barks the loudest and tries to call all the attention to himself and how great he is probably isn't anything like he claims. In actuality, he is probably so far from truly being a Dom that it's almost funny.

Another issue for me is all the guys that are in their mid to early 20's that claim themself as a Dom or a Master. Really? Does a guy at that age really have the knowledge, maturity, and self-awareness to truly be a good Dom? There are probably some that do. I for one know that when I was that age there was no way I could do, understand, and really "get" what is involved with being a Dom.

So many people think that it looks like fun to have a woman bow down and worship you and do anything you ask. That it would be fun to be able to beat the hell out of a woman and have her enjoy it. therein lies the mian issue...it looks fun, so I should be able to do that. WRONG!!! There is a huge difference in thinking it looks fun and authentically having what it takes. Any real Dom or Master will tell you that it takes a long time to gain the knowledge and maturity to really be able to handle all that will come your way in this position. It can be very taxing and trying sometimes, and it certainly isn't all fun and games.

I feel for the safety of a lot of subs, especially newer ones to the lifestyle. They may get themself into situations that may not be in their best interest. A sub with experience can usually sniff out a Dom that has no clue, like a fly can sniff out a garbage can. These self-proclaimers can also be the few bad apples that make it difficult and ruin things for everyone else. Subs need to take their time, learn about the person they are considering as a potential Dom, and educate yourself the best you can. IF you start seeing some red flags waving around, there are probably a lot more you can't see yet.

I for one don't claim to be the best Dom out there. I believe there is always room for improvement, and to learn more. Sort of like continuing education in the workplce. You can never stop learning, developing, and growing. It's an ever-evolving process. I also believe in learning from my sub, as she herself can teach me a lot and bring up situations that I feel I need to be better equipped to handle, leading me to more research and education for myself. I'm the first to admit when I don't know something or may be wrong. A Dom isn't perfect, just like everyone else isn't always erfect. I feel that being open about this, and showing a willingness to learn and admit mistakes, will gain me more respect from my sub than anything else. Does it make me weak? Not at all! I think it shows more strength to be able to face and discuss your shortcomings, than to try to act perfect and like you know it all.

I guess my main point to this is that subs should always beware when dealing with a new prospective Dom. Do your research and make sure you know who you're dealing with. If ever in doubt, ask someone in the lifestyle. Most other Doms and subs will be more than happy to assist you with your situation to enable you to make a good decision. Never feel bad or ashamed to ask for help. This lifestyle is a community, and the village is usually more than happy to help raise the child. Be careful in all your endeavors, and never hesitate to ask questions.
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