You Raise Me Up

I was feeling a bit inspired this morning.  The creative juices were flowing, and I decided it was time to make another video.  I have been thinking about it for a while, and got the motivation this morning. 

I have been sifting through and sorting pictures for it.  Then I found what I feel is the perfect song to go with the pictures and says a lot about how I see D/s and this lifestyle.  How I think it should be and what the purpose of it is within us all.  It's being supportive and being there for each other.  It's being close and intimate.  It's being a rock and foundation for each other.  It's being each others strength, and making each other more than you could be otherwise. 

The Song is "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban.  I hope you enjoy it and would love your feedback. 

"You raise me up so I can stand on mountains

You raise me up to walk on stormy seas

I am strong when I am on your shoulders

You raise me up to more than I can be"

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The Fire...

The fire burned

like she had never felt before.

She was discovering her true self

in things she never imagined.

She was reluctant

yet she was eager.

She remained guarded

yet inside she wanted to open up.

She needed him to see her.

To see all of her.

He was slowly setting up camp

inside her head and her heart.

She would try to fight the advances

but knew it was a losing battle.

Mere words were enough

to set her ablaze.

 He was all she had sought even though

she didn't even know what she was seeking.

She didn't know what she had needed

but he was showing her.

She didn't understand herself or have 

labels on this feeling inside,

but he seemed to know.

He seemed to understand.

He seemed to understand her better

than she even understood herself.

Most of all she found him to be strong

and confident and in control.

The further they went

The more she leaned into him.

The more she relied on him.

the more she gave to him.  

She was independent and strong

but he wasn't afraid.

He would lift her up,

 put her on his shoulders,

and light a fire under her that 

burned hotter than she had ever known.  

This was what she had sought.

This was what she had needed all along.

It was him all along...

And the fire only he could control.

~DV~

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Striving For More

This picture...this picture...I absolutely love it!  I have stared at it off and on all morning trying to put into words what I see and feel.  I have had trouble finding those words.  Why?  Because it says so much to me.  This picture speaks to me...it speaks to my heart and soul.  It rouses feelings that are hard for me to describe.  A million things go through my head, but getting those thoughts organized to be able to put them down into legible articulation, well that's a different story.

To me this exudes strength.  It speaks of love.  It speaks of care.  It's having someone under your care and showing the gentle strength to lead and guide her the way she needs and deserves.  From her side, it shows her strength to be his.  It shows her willingness to stand by his side.  Her desire to be his.  It represents her need to be his, and be there for him.  I see his desire to bare himself to her, and her baring her all for him as well.  It is mutual adoration.  

Even though he towers above her, he shows a gentleness in wrapping his arm around her.  Pulling her in close to show his love and care for her.  Letting her know he will protect and defend her with all he has, in return for her devotion.  Even though he towers above her, she is calm and at peace.  This is where she needs to be.  This is where she feels safe...by his side, under his protection, knowing he would do anything for her.  Just as she gives herself to him completely and relies upon him, she does so with full trust that he will do the same for her.  

This reminded me of a post written by thesubmissivebf a few days ago.  (the post can be found here)  The words in the post ring so true to me, and how I see a D/s relationship between two people.  This is how I think a relationship like this should be. 

"When a woman submits its because she has found the strength to do so. The belief in herself to take on such a role she can only do so when she feels unconditional love and soul guiding trust. She has to understand her purpose and how important she is to Him and how important she is to herself."

A woman can only assume this role when she believes in herself...when she understands who she is, is happy with that role, and understands it.  She also has to believe in him, and his ability to guide and lead in a way that is beneficial for the growth of her as a person.  It's through love and trust that she believes in him and all he can be for her.  She has to feel it within her soul to be able to let go and be his unconditionally.  It has nothing to do with her letting go and losing who she is in being his.  It is about finding herself deep within, and being all that she can be.  It is about realizing that she is of utmost importance to him, just as he is to her.  They feed off the needs of each other, relying on each other to be all they can be for themselves and their partner.  

This is what I strive to be.  This is what I have in my sights to become.  I don't feel I can ever be enough.  I always want to be more...learn more...grow into more of the man and Dominant I desire to be.  I can have all the desire in the world, but without that special partner by my side, then the desire remains only a desire.  Having her there, that enables the desire to be put into action.  To learn from her how to be better and be more of who I am and who she needs me to be...who I need to be for myself.  That is a partnership I love being a part of...one I need in my life.  In leading and guiding, I am also pushed.  Pushed to become better. That is something we should all strive to achieve. 

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The Strength Within

In my previous post I spoke about how those outside of TTWD seem to view this lifestyle.  Appearances aren't always as they appear.  Those of us involved in this lifestyle know there is much more to it than what someone may see at a glance.  This goes much deeper than the mere physical appearances of the activities we choose to bring into our relationships...much deeper.  There is a warning label on the passenger side mirror of most cars..."Objects in mirror are closer than they appear".  For all of us, maybe it should read..."Relationships are much deeper and more involved than they appear". 

I had a conversation with Sunshine this weekend that reminded me of just how deep and involved our relationships can be.  I also read some comments on a post this morning at The Empty Collar.  The topic that coincided with the conversation and the post is the strength of a submissive woman.  That is not to say in any form or fashion that any woman isn't and can't be strong.  But alas, here in my world I speak of the D/s lifestyle, so that is the platform from which I stand and speak. 

I think those people that peek in from the outside see a submissive as being weak.  They see a woman being owned and controlled by a man (reverse the gender roles if you like), and view this as a weakness.  Many people don't think a woman should bow and cede herself to a man...or to anyone for that matter.  They think she should stand on her own two feet and be able to take care of herself.  She should be assertive and able to take charge of any situation.  I say this is a bunch of bologna. 

I say that it takes a very strong woman to be willing and able to submit.  It doesn't matter whether she is currently involved with a Dominant or on her own.  The core person is still there and strong.  She has to be strong to be able to not only comprehend her need for submission, but then be able to act upon that need.  A woman must be strong mentally and emotionally to be able to give herself to someone the way a submissive woman does.  There is no weakness in needing to give yourself to a Dominant.  It is that deep inner strength that makes her a good submissive.  Someone without that strength will have a very hard time opening up and baring herself completely.  Not to mention, this strength is combined with raw determination to be able to stay the course and follow through with what she desires the most.  We all know...it isn't always easy. 

Back to my conversation with Sunshine...I didn't talk to her about strength as my submissive.  I spoke to her about the strength she has within her as a person.  Granted the two may go hand in hand, but that wasn't the point.  The point for her, which can also apply to Histoy, is this...  Always stand strong, be proud of who you are, and don't let anyone make you think less of yourself.  Anyone that tries to bring you down is only afraid and insecure about themselves.  They will belittle you and try to make you feel smaller about yourself in order to feel better about themselves.  So, stand tall, smile, and be happy with nothing less than the person you are at your best. This will enable you to become even stronger, more self-aware, and more secure with yourself.  Being able to look inside and being happy with what you see is what matters most of all. 

"You are stronger than you think, and I have shown you just how strong and important, and appreciated you are.  Let your inner strength flow and don't allow what anyone else says or does make you think any less of yourself.  Let them look like a fool on their own with the less than desirable behavior they may exhibit.  In the end, it will be they that will be seen as a lesser and weaker person.  I am proud of you as a person...all that you are and can be.  I am proud and honored to be able to call you mine." 

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Let Her Be Your Strength

I read a couple of posts this morning that moved me and got me to thinking.  Did you feel the ground shake just a bit?  No, it wasn't another earthquake or aftershock in Japan...it was just me and the wheels in my head turning at warp speed.  One of the posts was by Kitten for Sir and was titled His, mine, O/ours.  The other post was written by Sir J at A Dominant Character, and was titled But why do you do it?  The general theme of both of these posts is a Dominant dealing with a problem or stressful time, and the role of His submissive during this time.

I won't get into the specifics of these posts, as you can read them yourself.  But these posts got me to thinking about what I want, need, and expect from my partner in times of stress and turmoil.  First let me touch on what I think is not only a typical Dominant response and attitude, but one of men in general.  I think as a Dominant, we want and need to be involved with all that happens with our sub.  We expect her to share with us what all is happening with her, so that we can help and guide her with any problem or issue she may have.  We can even demand that she share these things with us.   We consider this as a responsibility of ours to be able to do this for her.  She belongs to us, and her problems are our problems.  In my case, I not only feel it is my duty and responsibility, but something I want to do for her.  To help her in any way I can, and be there for her through anything and everything.

Yet, when we Dominants have an issue, endure struggles, or face controversy and frustration, we tend to keep it to ourselves.  We don't want to bother our submissive with our problems, or burden them with it.  We are big, tough, strong Dominants!  We don't need anyone's help.  We can deal with our own problems.  We tend to internalize all that happens to us and keep it inside.  We feel the need to find a way to handle it and deal with it ourselves.  Sharing our problems, in the male mind, is a sign of weakness to us.  We can feel like it diminishes our role and the person we are, if we seem weak and open ourselves up.  We are supposed to be superman and be able to deal with anything that is thrown our way.  Apparent weakness is our Kryptonite.  It is the worst thing that we could possibly imagine.

I have touched on this before at times.  Is appearing weak really a bad thing?  I don't think so!  I think it shows we are human.  Is opening up with our issues, struggles and problems really a sign of weakness?  I don't think so!  I think it is a sign of strength.  It is a sign of feeling secure about whom you are as a person and with your partner in your relationship, and not worrying about what others view of you may be.  This can be true for any relationship, and not just a D/s dynamic.  But, I think it is even more important in this type dynamic.  We as a Dominant ask our submissives to respect and trust us in every way, and to do so on a level much deeper than she may have ever done before.  Don't we owe them the same amount of trust and respect?  Absolutely!  For me, I want and need her love, and her care, and her support, and her views to help me get through tough times.

I think almost all submissives would do anything they could for their Dom.  They want to be there for them.  Not just as a submissive, but as a supportive partner.  I, personally, want all she has to give me.  She has given of herself completely...mind, body and soul.  That doesn't mean a Dom should just use her for His pleasure, control her, and make demands of her, and that is all.  She isn't His to just to feed His Dominant needs and desires.  She is a person with her own thoughts and views, and has a lot more to offer than just her body.  She is your most trusted ally.  She is your rock.  Together the two of you make up the foundation of all that you have together.  You should never discount her in any way.  You should take advantage of all she is and can offer you.  Your relationship isn't completely about Dominance and control 100% of the time.  There are moments when you are on more of an equal footing.  I encourage you to take advantage of this, and let her feed your soul.  Let her support you and lift you up.  Let her encourage you.  Let her help you gain some traction and move past whatever struggles you have.

I believe in the long run, it is scenarios like this that will make your relationship stronger.  It will bring you closer.  It will let her learn to trust and respect you more.  You have opened up and shared your own problems, and she has been able to lift you up and help you conquer.  She can see that not only do you require this of her, but you are willing to do the same.  You are relying on her as much as she is relying on you.  Let her be your strength.  Once you do, the two of you will become stronger than either of you can ever achieve on your own. 

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Formspring Question

Do you think subs and/or slaves tend to be emotionally stronger than 'regular" or vanilla girls? -On a side note, I'm posing this question to several different Doms and Masters, just to see what bounces back. THANKS!

Thank you for your question.  That is a very interesting one, and one I had to think about.  I've never really thought about it in those terms. 

I think we are all people, and we all have emotions and an emotional capacity.  Some people are more emotional than others, and some people are emotionally stronger than others.  I don't think that one particular group of people are any more strong than another, in an emotional sense.  I don't think that emotional strength necessarily belongs to one specific group, orientation or lifestyle, than another.  That would tend to make the conclusion that if you have great emotional strength, then you are ore likely to be a certain way, or in a certain lifestyle.  This is not the case. 

I do think that by the nature of TTWD, that a sub/slave is subjected to facing their emotions on a much greater level than many vanilla women.  Based on the activities we in this lifestyle engage in, the openness that is required of most subs, and the connection between a sub and her Dom, I think that emotions are much more at the forefront in many cases, more than in a vanilla relationship.  These emotions can be much more intense and have to be faced on a more regular basis, than in a vanilla situation. 

As I have written about previously, I think many subs, when just starting out, aren't aware of just how emotionally intense this can be.  They are made to face things, and they experience things, on a much different level than they ever have before.  They find that they have a much deeper connection physically and emotionally than they have before.  I believe this to be a natural occurrence based on a sub opening up and giving themself to someone like they never have before.  They are offering themself to someone, thereby being more open mentally and emotionally from the start.  Then you couple that with the trust they give their Dom, and the physical experiences the encounter, and there is no choice but for the emotions to come to the surface in a big way. 

I suppose that based on this, over time in having to deal with these emotions on a regular basis, that a sub could become stronger emotionally than a vanilla person.  This could be because they are more in tune with their emotions, and face them on a more intense level on a regular ongoing basis.  This lifestyle can be very demanding mentally and emotionally.  So, it stands to reason that over time a sub would become more emotionally strong in learning to deal with her own feelings and her submissive side.  But, I don't think that a sub is naturally any more strong in this area than anyone else.  I think it is part of human nature to gain strength as we are pushed further and further.  I do think that becoming stronger is a part of this lifestyle and it develops over time.  Yet, many vanilla people go through many trials and tribulations in their life that strengthen their emotional capacity.  In general, I will say that subs do probably become emotionally stronger over time due to the nature of TTWD and what they face in this type relationship.

That was a good question...thanks for asking!

DV

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