Settle For Nothing Less...

This says what's been on my mind lately.  Sometimes so many things run through my head about this lifestyle and D/s, yet I just can't seem to formulate them into one complete post.  My thoughts can jump here and there and be all over the place.  But this pretty much says it all!  This says how I feel and see this and what I think it should encompass and be.

~DV~

Read more »

Video: Naked rugby players

I'll be back soon - but wanted to share this...

Read more »

If I Want Her Heart...

I can be Dominant...

I can control...

I can be in charge....

I can make demands...

I can show strength...

And power...

I can bind...

Cuff...

Tie...

I can spank...

Whip...

Cane...

I can take...

I can use...

But...

There's one thing...

One...

That I have no control over...

Her heart!

If I want her heart...

To own it as well...

To have it as mine...

I have to earn it...

To be worthy of it...

To have it given to me...

I can't take it from her...

Or make her give it to me...

That desire comes from deep within...

She has to feel it...

To feel it in her soul...

To need me to have it...

Because I deserve it...

And once I have her heart...

Then I have her...

All of her...

The most precious gift she could give...

Then...

I have...

Everything!

Read more »

Can I be Dom? (Reader Question)

I recently received the below question as a comment on an older post.  I replied to the post and asked the anonymous commentor to send me an email, but wasn't sure if they would see the comment I made or not.  I think this is a good question and one that comes up in marriages fairly frequently.  So, why not post it here and hopefully help some people.  The comment left was as follows:

My wife and I are thinking about doing this ,but I don't know how to start this life style.  I'm not sure I can be a Dom.  My wife seems to think i am.  So how do I start to change it?

First and foremost, it's imperative that you and your wife have some real heart to heart open and honest discussions about this...about what she wants from it and why.  About why she has decided she needs this and what she wants to get and feel from you as her Dominant.  You need to be able to talk to her about your concerns and feelings as well.  This is no time to clam up and be the stereo-typical man.  Lay it all out there.  I'm sure it wasn't easy for her to come to you with this, so give her the time and respect of expressing your thoughts about it.  

Before you can start, you have to realize this isn't just rough sex, being harsh, talking bad, or beating her.  It can involve those things, or the things you two choose, but it's so much more.  It's a mindset.  It's trust and respect on a whole other level.  It is about you being a leader and guide for her.  Someone she can defer to to make decisions.  Someone she can submit to in order to feel your strength and control.  This is very mental and emotional, and not just being bossy.  Being bossy is being domineering, not Dominant.  Being Dominant is done with care, love, appreciation and concern.  

I would suggest starting out very slow.  Start out just in the bedroom.  It can be a big change to go from your standard marriage to one with power exchange.  So take it slow so you can both move into it in comfort and get used to it.  Figure out some things in the bedroom you want to try, and go for it.  Maybe one at a time or maybe more.  But play with it, enjoy it, and try to have fun above all else.  After all, this is about meeting needs for each of you, while putting a new layer into the mix.  Have a safe-word in place as well.  That way she can stop things if they go to far, and so you'll know she needs to stop whatever you're doing.  "Stop", "no", and "don't" are not safe-words.  LOL!  

Backing up just a bit, you said you didn't know if you could be Dom.  This is where the communication comes in.  You two need to talk and figure out what she thinks a Dominant is in her mind.  It may be different than what you are imagining.  Make sure you are on the same page.  You have to be able to talk the same language and understand each other.  Figure out what she sees in this and wants from it, and you can tell her what you think and see as well.  These talks in themselves can help to bring you closer.  

If you have more specific questions, by all means feel free to email me.  I will be happy to help any way I can.  I will also ask my readers and followers to add anything they think and see as important that I may have missed.  This could be a chance for many of us to help and add to this conversation. So everyone...add to this and pick up on some of the things I may have missed or your suggestions to help this couple get on the right track with what can be such a beautiful dynamic.

DV

Read more »

Hump Day Humor

So funny!  And how many times have we actually sent a message to the wrong person, or even come close to doing so?!?!  Such a bad bad feeling .  LOL!

DV

Read more »

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

I have been blessed to be nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award.  I'm not sure I'm "Very Inspiring", but it's very nice to be recognized.  I'll agree that every once in a while something profound seeps out of my mind, but not regularly.  Anyway, I am honored someone sees me that way.  

I was nominated by Cassaundra at Cassaundra With A Collar.  Thanks Dear!  

Apparently these are the rules:

1. Display the award logo on your blog. (Done)

2. Link back to the person nominating you (Done)

3. State 7 things about yourself.  (Oh Geesh)

4. Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link back to them.  (See Below)

5. Notify these other bloggers and give them the award requirements.  (You are all hereby notified)

Well...hmmm...seven things about me.  

1. When I blog I don't have specific thoughts already in my head.  A scenario or situation comes to mind, I start writing, and it just flows from there. 

2. The one thing I want most in D/s I can't have.  And that is due to my own choices.  Sometimes we make sacrifices for what we feel is a greater good.  And no, I won't elaborate on that...at least until I'm ready to blog about it.

3. I've changed over time.  I've become more accepting.  More specifically in D/s, bdsm and kink.  I used to see some things and think people were total freaks.  Now, even though it may not be for me, I realize everyone is different and enjoys different aspects of this...and that's ok.  

4. I have learned not to settle for less than what I really want.  It's not worth it.  I may have to wait longer, or go through more to get it, but it's worth it...especially when it comes to finding a partner.

5. I have talked and emailed with people from all over the world because of this blog, due to other blogs and being emailed.  That has allowed me to reach people and have discussions I never would have otherwise.  That's just awesome to think about...all over the world!

6. Yes...I have real handcuffs that have been used on real criminals.  Real handcuffs hurt and are uncomfortable, if you've never used them.  Stick with rope, leather cuffs, straps or whatever.  Real cuffs aren't as great as they may sound.  LOL!

7. No one was there to bring me drinks and snacks during the Super Bowl.  I had to get them all for myself.  What's up with that?!?!  ;)

As for nominating other bloggers for this, I really do hate that.  I follow a lot of different blogs, and they are all great for their own reasons.  I always think this is a bit unfair to a great blog that may e left out.  So, rather than picking and choosing, please refer to "Blogs I Follow" on the left sidebar of my blog.  Lots of amazing people on there that share themselves, their lives, their experiences, and their fantasies.  Please take a look at them and maybe you will enjoy them too.  

Thanks again for the nomination, Cassaundra!  

~DV~

Read more »

Good genes (2)

   

Read more »