I read a post yesterday, and it has had me perplexed. I can't quite put my finger on what it is about the post and explain what I'm thinking. So, I'm hoping putting into words on here will help. The post was written by a Dominant blogger that I respect very much. The great thing about we Dominants is that many of us are on the same page and respect each others approach and views, yet we can all be a bit different at the same time. The Dom writes great thought provoking posts that many times really makes me sit back and think. That is a great thing, as I relish being made to think about different and new angles on topics. This post did that more than most. The post is Being One and was written by Sir J on A Dominant Character.
The main point in his post, as I read and understand it, is that having a partner isn't about that person making you complete. They don't complete you. They don't make you whole. Sir J surmises that you complete yourself and be able to enjoy yourself alone, and then you decide to make room for others in your life. I am having a lot of trouble wrapping my head around this...which brings me to where I am at this moment. I am going to something I rarely do with anything Sir J writes. I am going to respectfully disagree.
I do think you have to be happy with yourself. A person needs to understand and know themselves intimately. They do need to be able to enjoy time alone and not be constantly dependent upon other people, or another person. You can't be a miserable person and not like yourself, and then expect someone else to come along and make it all better. If you can't even like yourself, and are a miserable person with who you are, then how in the hell can you expect to be able to make anyone else happy. We all have our flaws and things about ourselves. That is only natural for us all. But I am talking about our deep inner psyche and how we see ourselves as a person. You have to look at that inner self in the mirror and either like who you are or be willing to take the steps to change to who you want to be to get to a place where you do like who you are. This isn't something you can expect anyone else to do for you.
Now we get to the point where I disagree with Sir J. Maybe another person doesn't complete you. Maybe they don't make you whole, as Sir J indicates. But, they can sure make you feel that way. With the right partner, everything can feel different. Things change. You as a person change. I think it's the chemistry and connection between two people that cause this change. Another person, or partner, can make you see things differently than you can do by yourself. They can open you up and make you face situations that you wouldn't do on your own, or even think about needing to do on your own. That special person can take you places you never dreamed of on your own. The right partner can make you see things differently and make you a better person for it. The right partner can take your inner happiness to a whole new level.
I came across this quote that made me really think about my thoughts versus what I think Sit J is saying:
Don't just be a chemical substance. Be happy with yourself and be happy with your partner. Allow yourself to open up, learn, and grow because of each other. Take what you learn and become better for it. Don't learn nothing and just be a stagnant substance that will never be more than the chemical state that it is. Transform! Become better! Become stronger! Be a partnership. You don't have to totally rely on others for your happiness. Maybe your partner doesn't complete you. But...they can and will make you a better person and take you places you couldn't go on your own. Maybe it's not that I disagree with Sir J's position...I just have a different view of it!
(I still love you Sir J)
The main point in his post, as I read and understand it, is that having a partner isn't about that person making you complete. They don't complete you. They don't make you whole. Sir J surmises that you complete yourself and be able to enjoy yourself alone, and then you decide to make room for others in your life. I am having a lot of trouble wrapping my head around this...which brings me to where I am at this moment. I am going to something I rarely do with anything Sir J writes. I am going to respectfully disagree.
I do think you have to be happy with yourself. A person needs to understand and know themselves intimately. They do need to be able to enjoy time alone and not be constantly dependent upon other people, or another person. You can't be a miserable person and not like yourself, and then expect someone else to come along and make it all better. If you can't even like yourself, and are a miserable person with who you are, then how in the hell can you expect to be able to make anyone else happy. We all have our flaws and things about ourselves. That is only natural for us all. But I am talking about our deep inner psyche and how we see ourselves as a person. You have to look at that inner self in the mirror and either like who you are or be willing to take the steps to change to who you want to be to get to a place where you do like who you are. This isn't something you can expect anyone else to do for you.
Now we get to the point where I disagree with Sir J. Maybe another person doesn't complete you. Maybe they don't make you whole, as Sir J indicates. But, they can sure make you feel that way. With the right partner, everything can feel different. Things change. You as a person change. I think it's the chemistry and connection between two people that cause this change. Another person, or partner, can make you see things differently than you can do by yourself. They can open you up and make you face situations that you wouldn't do on your own, or even think about needing to do on your own. That special person can take you places you never dreamed of on your own. The right partner can make you see things differently and make you a better person for it. The right partner can take your inner happiness to a whole new level.
I came across this quote that made me really think about my thoughts versus what I think Sit J is saying:
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”I think this quote is true. Especially when it comes to the chemistry of love and attraction between two people. You have to be happy with and about yourself as a person. Yet, when you meet the right partner, the two of you will be able to transform into something bigger and better. The meshing and reacting of the two of you, as two separate chemical substances, can end up being one chemical substance that works better as a unit. Each still have their individuality within the reaction, but together they become a much stronger substance. The biggest difference in chemicals and personalities and psyches is that if this joining of substances happens to end, you should be able to move ahead as a better person for learning from the experience. A chemical just goes back to being that chemical.
— Carl Jung
Don't just be a chemical substance. Be happy with yourself and be happy with your partner. Allow yourself to open up, learn, and grow because of each other. Take what you learn and become better for it. Don't learn nothing and just be a stagnant substance that will never be more than the chemical state that it is. Transform! Become better! Become stronger! Be a partnership. You don't have to totally rely on others for your happiness. Maybe your partner doesn't complete you. But...they can and will make you a better person and take you places you couldn't go on your own. Maybe it's not that I disagree with Sir J's position...I just have a different view of it!
(I still love you Sir J)
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