In our last segment, I covered a lot about my life, where I have been, and how I got to where I am now. Could I have made better decisions along the way. Sure I could have. We all could have made better decisions in our life. But hindsight is 20/20, and if I had that hindsight before making my decisions, well...wouldn't life be nice. Yet, our decisions and what they make us endure in life are what shape us into the person we are today. If you are happy with where you are and the person you are today, then you can't complain. If you aren't happy, then you can make the decision(s) to change that and begin down a new road.
We can all look back and say I should have gone down the road not taken. But this is where you are now and that can't be changed. So...now we are facing the decisions of what to do next? Where do I go from here? Where do I "want" to go from here? Where do I "need" to go from here? That can be the hard part. The want versus the need may be two totally different scenarios. Especially when your decisions can have life altering affects on the other people in your life. I hate to tell you all, or even admit it to myself, but life isn't all about "you". As much as we like to be selfish and gain self-gratification in al that we do, thee are other people to be considered. And sometimes must be considered even more so than we consider ourselves.
This segment has absolutely nothing to do with me, and it has absolutely nothing to do with the D/s dynamic. It has to do with my daughter. I talked in my last post about my situation with my wife and the decision we made to stay together for our daughter. This is a very tough subject. It has more questions than answers. We both want nothing but the best for our daughter, as any parent should. We don't want her to be brought up in a broken home. We want her to be raised in a stable family with both parents present. Or that is what we have discussed and agreed upon. Last week the subject was brought up again, about what if we didn't stay married. I surprised myself when I said this, and I'll paraphrase:
I have no intentions of leaving and no intentions of splitting up our home. However, if I thought it was best for "daughter" in the long run then I would do that."
I have had to think very long and hard about this. But would I do what I though was best for her...sure I would. What is best for her? Well, that I have no idea about. I was watching "Grey's Anatomy" last year (I know I know, get off my back). There was an episode where one of the Doctors was justifying to her father about her divorce. the gist of it was that she would rather her son be raised by parents that were happy but separated, than by parents that were not happy and fought all the time. She didn't want her son raised to think and believe that is what marriage is about. That marriage is a special thing between two people that love and care for each other and show it. I can't argue with this, and it really hit home for me. Maybe my daughter is better off not being raised in a home where we can't show her what love really is and should be? Maybe she shouldn't be raised in a house where we allow each other to see other people? Not that we do it openly where she would know, mind you. Is that teaching her bad habits and giving false impressions? Is this teaching her that mariage is not sacred and special? Would she be better off with us not together?
I don't know the answers to these questions. I wish I had the hindsight already, so I would know the answer. Whatever the answer, it is not an easy one. It will not be taken lightly, and will not be made quickly. This is one that keeps me in turmoil. I love my daughter to death. So what is the right direction to take? I don't know that there is one. Thee may not be a right answer. It may just be the best of the bad alternatives.
ARGH!!! Decisions, Decisions?!?!?!?!?!
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